As I have gotten older I have yet to learn to stop giving so much of who I am. I was raised to love unconditionally, to treat others as I would want to be treated, and to be respectful and gracious in return. I have not only been stabbed in the back repeatedly by some of the same individuals in my life on more than one occasion, but more recently a particular individual felt it was okay to stab me in the face. Unfortunately for me I didn't have my eyes open. Didn't see it coming.
I have spent many nights wondering, what more could I have done? What should I not have done? The only answer that I can seem to find is that although you felt it necessary to hurt me not once, not twice, but three times to the point now that you have hurt the ones that are the closest to my heart, and the only thing I can do is find a way to forgive you. Forgive you for being young, immature, selfish and insecure. Forgive you for not being raised better to know that one should never treat people the way you treated me. The level of disrespect and ungraciousness you have shown is one of a materialistic, self-centered child that you will only be able to learn through your own mistakes. Needless to say these are life lessons. I've been there before, so once again all I can do is forgive you for simply not knowing any better.
So in closing, Sara Paddison's quote is one that provides me with the answer I've been searching for:
“Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.”
And it turn all I ask is that,
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Even if it means my inability to change the individuals mindset... only they can make that choice.
